Twitter Is For Dummies

I was amazed to find that there was a Twitter for Dummies book out there…but then again there’s just about a [fill in the blank] for Dummies book for everything (my personal favorite is Cleaning Your Cat’s Litter Box for Dummies).

twitter for dummies

As you guys know I’m a SUPER BIG AWESOME-O BEST-EST Fan of Twitter (see my post I Truly Hate Twitter) and I’ve decided to jump on the Twitter book publishing bandwagon and am working on my own Twitter book titled Twitter IS For Dummies.


Just what kinds of things can you expect to learn in my upcoming super great Twitter book?  I’m glad you asked… Learn to:

  • Share when you last made a bowel movement or any other personal bodily function that ordinarily you wouldn’t publicize to the world.  Ex.  “I just pooped my pants!”
  • Believe that Twitter is the greatest thing on the planet.  In order to use twitter you must love it unconditionally.  It’s better than everything.  The sooner you realize this the more ready you are to join the Church of Twitter
  • Make yourself feel even more important than you really are.  If you have low self-esteem Twitter will make you feel more important by deluding yourself into thinking people actually care when you tweet “OMG I just got my period”
  • Twitter in dangerous situations where your safety is less important than sharing your tweet.  Next time you are being mugged, attacked, raped, held at gun point…take a timeout with your assailant and whip out your phone so you can tweet “I’m being raped now and I feel bloated. FML!”

So yeah, please keep a look out for Twitter Is For Dummies.  It truly will be a glorious book and make me filthy rich.  If you are looking for other self help books also check out my book Just Because There’s a Goalie Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Score.

Comments 3

  1. Abhishek Desai wrote:

    It’s an absolutely super great thing that you hate twitter. Even I do. But do you realize that your post(s) about hating twitter are doing the rounds of google? (Not forgetting it was at number 1) Publicity good or bad inadvertently leads to publicity and thats what twitter needs!….How about a hate club/community or maybe a petition to get twitter off the internet? :D

    Posted 05 Nov 2009 at 9:11 am
  2. ben wrote:

    Yeah, it’s probably not good that I write about twitter..since it just gives them more publicity…but I still feel like I need to speak my mind.

    Posted 05 Nov 2009 at 3:53 pm
  3. Jane Van Doe wrote:

    I opened an account to find out what all the hype was about. I am a poet and was insulted by the idea of running random lines together and calling it POETRY. Someone should tell them that more isn’t necessarily better… sometimes it’s just MORE useless twitter….

    Twit-Wits & Tweeter-Dumbs

    Today you twitter, then you tweet,
    as though to make your lives complete,
    by echoing thoughts of people you admire.

    Anticipating that great twitter,
    you clutch your phones to reconsider,
    the text-ed words of wisdom you desire.

    You twitters prattle thoughts absurd,
    as tweeters follow in a herd,
    of voyeuristic bids to be of note.

    You tweet and twitter photographs.
    You L O L, the twitting laugh,
    amassing twit-wits, with the rights to gloat.

    You Tweeter-Dumbs are text-ed astray,
    rushing to twitter your lives away,
    losing precious time you’ll come to rue.

    As tweeted gems of rehashed glitter,
    by willing twits, of useless twitter,
    dissolve in a vast milieu, void of sinew.

    © 2010 JVD

    Posted 14 Mar 2010 at 2:47 am

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  1. From random thoughts - The Twitter Challenge for People Who Truly Hate Twitter on 19 Jan 2011 at 12:15 am

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