random thoughts » Sober Challenge http://www.benjitao.com ben tao's thoughts Mon, 05 Dec 2011 09:29:39 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 365 Days Completed…Success and Laziness http://www.benjitao.com/2008/09/365-days-completedsuccess-and-laziness/ http://www.benjitao.com/2008/09/365-days-completedsuccess-and-laziness/#comments Wed, 10 Sep 2008 05:24:56 +0000 ben http://benjitao.com/?p=21 Ok so this post is long overdue.  But to put some closure on the sober year.  It was a success.  I made it, even though I didn’t write about it until like 3 months later.  Back to drinking once again…but not like before.  Feels good to have done it when so many in the beginning didn’t think it was possible (even myself!)

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]]> http://www.benjitao.com/2008/09/365-days-completedsuccess-and-laziness/feed/ 0 Tricked! http://www.benjitao.com/2008/04/tricked/ http://www.benjitao.com/2008/04/tricked/#comments Wed, 16 Apr 2008 02:32:07 +0000 ben http://benjitao.com/?p=20 So technically I’ve been sober all the way from July 4th up to now. I say technically since I haven’t willingly agreed to drink any beverage that contains alcohol. However, this past weekend I was tricked. I should have had my guard up, but I was blind sided. Here’s what happened.

Friends and I were celebrating my roommate’s birthday at a local dance club this past weekend. I was walking around with my one friend, I’ll call him Jim, when he said he wanted to grab a drink. He knows I don’t drink now so he said he’d get me a water. As i mentioned before having a glass in hand helps me “think” I’m drinking, when in fact I’m not. So I gladly took him up on the offer.

While Jim was grabbing his drink and my water I ended up talking with another friend. Jim tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a glass. It was clear liquid with ice. I was a little surprised since I saw carbonation bubbles (that should have tipped me off), but I just thought he got me soda instead of water. I thanked him and took my first sip. The moment I swallowed, I thought something wasn’t right. It was sweet, but yet tangy. I couldn’t fully tell, but I knew this was neither water nor soda. It had a distinct taste of alcohol! After confronting him on it, he confessed, it was Captain Morgain’s (Rum) and Seven Up.

I gave away the drink to my girlfriend, but the damage had already been done. I had taken a swig of alcohol.

It’s not a big deal, but I was a little let down, but technically, since I didn’t willfully drink it, I don’t consider it a slip up. The lesson I learned…be more careful around drunk people! Haha…

Anyway, I haven’t updated the numbers in a while…

Days Sober: 286
Days Remaining: 79

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]]> http://www.benjitao.com/2008/04/tricked/feed/ 0 Tactics on How to Avoid Drinking and Still Look Cool http://www.benjitao.com/2007/12/tactics-on-how-to-avoid-drinking-and-still-look-cool/ http://www.benjitao.com/2007/12/tactics-on-how-to-avoid-drinking-and-still-look-cool/#comments Tue, 11 Dec 2007 11:26:02 +0000 ben http://benjitao.com/?p=18 I went through some of my old posts and realized that I never put up some of my tactics for getting out of potential drinking situations while out. I’ve been meaning to so here are some of the things I have learned work.

First off, the worst way to avoid drinking, especially if you decide to quit drinking, is to tell people who you used to drink with that you have quit drinking. Right off the bat they will try with all their might to get you to drink. Normally in these situations it’s best to not tell them or not hang out with them. If you do have to hang out with them then hopefully some of these tactics might work for you:

  • gin-tonicThe Fake and Drink: The best way to get people off your back about not drinking is to make them think you are drinking. So how you do this in theory is simple, always have a drink in your hand. My favorite in bar/club situations is the standard glass of ice water. It’s cheap (most of the time free) and easily dressed up to pass as a convincing gin and tonic and vodka tonic. Simply add a wedge of lime and add one of those stirring straws and you’re in business. The difficult part in using this tactic is that you can never order drinks when around your friends since they will see you asking for water. The other difficult part is when your friends want to buy you drinks. So a good way around this is to run away when you can and grab your faux drink when they aren’t looking. This way since you didn’t buy them a drink they won’t be so inclined to buy you one.
  • die-from-drinkingOutright Lie: If you have to tell someone that you aren’t drinking the inevitable follow up question you will always get is “why?” or “how come?” At first I would get into my long explanation about how I’m doing this as a personal quest, to save money, yadda yadda. However, most of the time the answer is too long so they stop listening and tell you to “stop being a pussy” (no offense to the ladies, that’s a line I’ve gotten numerous times) and then try make you drink shot they just handed you. Since they won’t listen to sound reason and logic, the next best option is to just outright lie to them so they will get off your back. Normally, if you say “my doctor told me I need to stop drinking” that should be good since your friends hopefully care more about your health than your drinking. However, sometimes that’s not good enough so embellish with “I went to the doctor last week and he said I had cirrhosis of the liver.” If he or she doesn’t know what that means follow up with “It means if I drink I’ll die because my liver stopped working.” If you play your cards right, you might get a free cranberry juice out of it. For friends who aren’t health conscious you can always lie and say “I got a DUI” and most people know how much that sucks and wouldn’t want you to go through the potential of getting another one.
  • drunk-peopleAct Drunk: Here’s one that can work granted your acting skills are spot on. If combined with the “Fake and Drink” mentioned above it can be a powerful combo to silence any potential drink pushers. It’s simple, act really drunk and obnoxious so instead of people making you drink they end up trying to take away your drink (or in my case my ice water). Just pile on the slobbering, slurred speech, and craziness…if your friends are already pretty drunk then you have to up the intensity so they start realizing how drunk you are. As an added bonus if you you really want to exit the drinking situation act drunk enough so the bouncers kick you out. If you drove that night head back to the car and crack open that book, dvd, or new Gameboy DS game you’ve been dying to play. When your friends come back…you are all sobered up!

Ok, so those are just some of the general strategies that can be used. I’m sure there are more, but I find those to be the most effective. If anyone knows any others, let me know…

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]]> http://www.benjitao.com/2007/12/tactics-on-how-to-avoid-drinking-and-still-look-cool/feed/ 0 160 Days and the Upcoming Holidays http://www.benjitao.com/2007/12/160-days-and-the-upcoming-holidays/ http://www.benjitao.com/2007/12/160-days-and-the-upcoming-holidays/#comments Tue, 11 Dec 2007 10:45:57 +0000 ben http://benjitao.com/?p=17 Well I’ve passed the 160 day mark and it looks good so far. Last weekend I was a little tempted to drink just because I was hanging out with old friends that I used to drink a lot with. However, I was able to bypass the urge by drinking Martinelli’s sparkling cider and taking shots of water with them (me water, them tequila). I find it’s better if people think you are drinking and it’s better if psychologically you feel like you are drinking (but really you aren’t).

Anyway, a friend of mine pointed out a really good blog post on “How to Quit Drinking Alcohol.” The section I really like is where the author talks about the reasons for quitting drinking. It’s a lot of the reasons that I’ve undertaken this 365 day challenge:

  • Productive socializing. Talking to strangers is a great way to build character, but its benefits are greatly reduced when you’re drunk. The alcohol represses much of the social anxiety, which inhibits lasting change. But the only thing more terrifyingly fun than getting drunk and meeting a bunch of new people is staying sober and meeting a bunch of new people.
  • Avoid the McPilgrimage. Clearly, there’s a conspiracy between the fast food industry and the liquor industry. Free will collapses under the weight of insobriety and convenience. With enough alcohol in your system, even the most wretched burger joint becomes an irresistible sanctuary.
  • Reclaim lost time. Let’s say you have a few drinks around the house, three times a week, and that light touch of drunkenness costs you three hours of productive thinking each time. Within one year, you’ll have shaved about one full month off your life. That’s a lot of lost CPU time that could have been put towards reading a book, writing a speech, playing a sport, or even starting a business. And this doesn’t even count the time lost waiting for your brain to resolidify the morning after a night on the town.
  • Get rich quickly. You don’t have to party that hard to spend $100-$150/week or more on alcohol and related expenses. If you quit drinking today, you could reasonably expect to convert that choice into a bankroll for backpacking around the world in about six months.
  • Become an early riser. I’m currently readjusting my sleep schedule to wake up at 5:30 AM, seven days a week. Alcohol, and the lifestyle that often accompanies it, work against this process. Alcohol makes me feel tired when I want to feel energetic and awake. Ironically, it also increases wakefulness during sleep.

I can’t say I’ve become an early riser, but I know for sure I’ve saved a lot of money and I think I’ve been more productive. However, one negative is that I think I’ve become more irritable and less patient when around other drunk people. I know if I were drunk I wouldn’t mind them so much, but when sober sometimes other people’s shenanigans aren’t that amusing.

My one consistent reader and commenter, Dan, asked me an important question in one of his comments…with New Year’s Eve coming up what my plans were. In the past my NYE’s involved some fancy party where people get dressed up and drink. Even when drinking some of these parties weren’t THAT much fun, so this year I’m going to go more low-key. Spend the eve at home with friends and maybe even that special someone ;)

Halfway point is coming up. It’s nice knowing I’ve been able to make it this far when many people didn’t think I could last more than a month. It’s empowering knowing that when you set your mind to do something that you can do it.

DAYS SOBER: 160
DAYS LEFT: 205

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]]> http://www.benjitao.com/2007/12/160-days-and-the-upcoming-holidays/feed/ 0 In a Blink of an Eye, 140 Days Gone By http://www.benjitao.com/2007/11/in-a-blink-of-an-eye-140-days-gone-by/ http://www.benjitao.com/2007/11/in-a-blink-of-an-eye-140-days-gone-by/#comments Tue, 20 Nov 2007 10:10:39 +0000 ben http://benjitao.com/?p=16 It’s late and I need to get some rest, but I wanted to update this blog and state that I’ve already hit my 140th day of sobriety.  That seemed pretty fast.  It’s interesting to see how sometimes it feels like the days go by so quick and other days it feels like it’s crawling.

Either way it looks like only 225 days left of this fun.

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]]> http://www.benjitao.com/2007/11/in-a-blink-of-an-eye-140-days-gone-by/feed/ 2 Choosing Not to Drink for Year Doesn’t Make You an Alcoholic http://www.benjitao.com/2007/11/choosing-not-to-drink-for-year-doesnt-make-you-an-alcoholic/ http://www.benjitao.com/2007/11/choosing-not-to-drink-for-year-doesnt-make-you-an-alcoholic/#comments Tue, 13 Nov 2007 04:52:14 +0000 ben http://benjitao.com/?p=15 I can’t tell if it’s funny or not, but a lot of people think I am or was an alcoholic. Looking at my blog so far it definitely kind of sounds like it.

Even before I gave up alcohol for this year I was only a social drinker. I would primarily drink on the weekends when partying or with friends. But that would normally mean every weekend. Looking at it there were probably more weekends of drinking than weekends without drinking. I started realizing that when going out that I was becoming more dependent on drinking to “have a good time,” and using alcohol as a social lubricant. I never got to the point where I had to drink at home by myself just for the hell of it (which is what I think alcoholics do).

Well that’s enough of me trying to prove that I’m not an alcoholic. So I’ll leave you with the wikipedia definition:

The Journal of the American Medical Association defines alcoholism as “a primary, chronic disease characterized by impaired control over drinking, preoccupation with the drug alcohol, use of alcohol despite adverse consequences, and distortions in thinking.”[1]

The DSM-IV (the standard for diagnosis in psychiatry and psychology) defines alcohol abuse as repeated use despite recurrent adverse consequences.[2] ; further defining alcohol dependence as alcohol abuse combined with tolerance, withdrawal, and an uncontrollable drive to drink.[2] (See DSM diagnosis below.)

According to the APA Dictionary of Psychology, alcoholism is the popular term for alcohol dependence.[2] Note that there is debate whether dependence in this use is physical (characterised by withdrawal), psychological (based on reinforcement), or both.

Actually those definitions don’t make me look so good…haha…I guess you have to be the judge, or trust my assessment.

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]]> http://www.benjitao.com/2007/11/choosing-not-to-drink-for-year-doesnt-make-you-an-alcoholic/feed/ 0 101 Days of Soberness Fun http://www.benjitao.com/2007/10/101-days-of-soberness-fun/ http://www.benjitao.com/2007/10/101-days-of-soberness-fun/#comments Sat, 13 Oct 2007 02:35:44 +0000 ben http://benjitao.com/?p=14 Well, I made it to triple digits of no drinking.  This beats my last record of 45 days by 56 days.  So how has it been so far?  It’s been dry.  Here’s a list of opportunities to drink I chose to pass up:

  • July 4th Celebration
  • Numerous times clubbing
  • Volunteering for a food and wine tasting event
  • A Cambodian wedding (who knew they drank?)
  • Rehersal dinner for wedding below
  • A Jewish wedding with quite an open bar
  • A Chinese wedding with a hosted bar
  • Our own house party

That’s just a few of the bigger events that I remember passing up on drinking.  The first couple of weeks weren’t too bad, but lately I think I’ve been in a slump–meaning it seems harder to resist the temptation to drink.  A lot of time where the temptation lies is in the fact that I’m hanging around a bunch of other drunk people.  Seeing them act silly and stupid sometimes is amusing, but after a while sometimes either a) you want to partake in the silliness  b) you just want to drink so you want care so much how annoying some people are sometimes c) you want to drink to pass the time so something boring magically doesn’t seem so boring anymore.   All not great reasons to drink, but that’s what I’ve determined my reasons are for drinking.

I really think this has been the longest I have gone on without drinking since I turned 21.  I feel healthier I guess.  Can’t really tell if my memory is getting any better, but the plus side is I have saved a lot more money since I’m not spending it on alcohol.

So I guess this means another 264 days left.  Day 200 will be another fun celebration.  When I told my roommates about my day 100 of soberness they joked that we should go celebrate…by drinking.  Woo hoo!

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]]> http://www.benjitao.com/2007/10/101-days-of-soberness-fun/feed/ 1 68 Days Later http://www.benjitao.com/2007/09/68-days-later/ http://www.benjitao.com/2007/09/68-days-later/#comments Tue, 11 Sep 2007 09:56:39 +0000 ben http://benjitao.com/?p=13 This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending a college friend’s wedding. Since it was a college friend’s wedding I got to see and hang out with a lot of old college buddies that I hadn’t seen in a while. It was great being back in Michigan, where I grew up, seeing old friends, and attending a beautiful wedding. However, what I did find most interesting was how people responded to my sober year challenge.

I’m increasingly amazed and how much people want to break me from my self-imposed challenge. Here’s how a typical conversation would go at a bar:

Friend: So why aren’t you drinking?
Me: I set a personal goal to not drink for one year.
Friend: Why in the world would you do that?
Me: It’s something I want to see if I can do. A personal challenge to follow through on what I say I will do.
Friend: I think that’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.
Me:…

And after this type of conversation they will try to peer pressure you into drinking, or even worse sometimes, try tricking you into drinking. (ie, here have this “coke” when in fact there’s Jack Daniel’s in it). Even funnier is the fact that I don’t impose my soberness on them, but actually encourage them to drink. So it’s not like I go around telling people not to drink. Like I told them, this challenge is my personal challenge.

I have found that it helps to stick to your guns…meaning after hanging out with the same friends and them seeing you being true to your words that normally the peer pressure dies down since they see your strength of resolve and sometimes they even start supporting you or even start thinking about undertaking their own sober challenge.

What I’m really wondering about is why people have such a strong opposition to my personal goal of not drinking. If you logically think about it how’s it any different from a personal goal of wanting to lose weight, get a better job, or exercise more often? Mine just happens to be not drinking. Most of the time people are very supportive of those ideas that I just mentioned. However, I’ve found that with alcohol that’s just not the case. I’ve been thinking about this for some time and here’s my brainstorm of why people want me to drink:

  • they like watching people fail
  • by rejecting to drink with them they feel like they are personally being rejected (since drinking is seen as a social activity)
  • they don’t want someone sober to see them behaving drunk
  • they want me to have a good time and think drinking is the only way
  • they don’t like watching someone do something they think they can’t do

I can’t think of anymore ideas of why they want me to fail. Now that I think about it, I really should ask them and find out. However, I do feel whatever reasons they give me for wanting me to drink will not be as good as my reasons for not drinking. But perhaps the problem is how I’ve been presenting it and being put on the “defensive.” A lot of times I’ll talk about the health benefits, how I can save money, improving my memory, etc…When I do this, though, people normally will try to refute these points (ie alcohol is good for you, if alcohol is free then why don’t you drink, how you can’t regain brain cells). After this doesn’t work I normally go into my ultimate motivation which is by staying true to my own words, and not letting myself down, that I’ll be able to accomplish whatever I set my mind on. I really shouldn’t have to explain this to them and I probably shouldn’t in the future, but it is important to me so I do share it with them. However, many people just don’t see the correlation between being true to your words and accomplishing something, which for me, is not the easiest. I think the harder the challenge, the more you can learn from it.

It’s really interesting to see how different this sober challenge is versus the last one I tried and only lasted 45 days. The last time I know in my mind I wasn’t completely resolved to stop drinking. This meant if I went out and I really wanted to drink it was OK if I did it. However, this time around, I don’t even leave that as an option. Every time I go out now I don’t even consider drinking an option. This forces me to find ways to have fun without drinking. How am I able to do this? I don’t want to let myself down. It’s one thing to let others down, but to let yourself down is the worst feeling. You can fool others, but not yourself.

I actually had a conversation relating to that topic this past weekend.

Friend: Why don’t you just make a one day exemption from your drinking challenge? You actually don’t need to tell anyone you drank. I won’t tell…
Me: That would defeat the whole purpose, cause I would know I drank. The point is to not drink for 365 consecutive days.

So 68 days since last drinking. Each time I stay true to my words the more confidence I have that I can do this. The harder and more tempting the situation that I survive the more I believe I can accomplish my goal.

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]]> http://www.benjitao.com/2007/09/68-days-later/feed/ 1 The Ugly Side of Ego http://www.benjitao.com/2007/08/the-ugly-side-of-ego/ http://www.benjitao.com/2007/08/the-ugly-side-of-ego/#comments Tue, 28 Aug 2007 07:10:30 +0000 ben http://benjitao.com/?p=12 Letting go of my ego/pride is one of the most difficult things I’ve been learning to deal with.  This is especially more difficult when you feel like you are being attacked (either someone attacking your character or an idea you have) even though part of you know that you are in the wrong.  My natural inclination is to fight back even if I know I don’t have a leg to stand on.  Rather than admit that perhaps I might have been wrong I rather be obstinate and unreasonable than to let go of my ego and do what’s best in that situation.  In these kinds of situations the best solution is to always to do the most logical thing, but my pride says otherwise.  I think this stems from my own insecurities.  A feeling that if I’m wrong and someone else is right that somehow or another my own value as a person diminishes.  Looking at it this way you can see how this is absurd, but yet I know that this is how I think.  So the solution should be to not look at life as a scoreboard…keeping track how often I am right or wrong versus someone else.  At the end of the day it’s more important that we make the right decisions that benefit whatever task at hand we are aiming to achieve.  Looking at it this way we should welcome other opinions and always strive to find the best answer.  I think humility plays a part in this as well.  I think if I focus on humility and realizing that I’m not always right will help me keep an open mind to better solutions and greater opportunities.  So what if I’m wrong, right?

I’m at a whopping 55 days sober now. Woo hoo!  I should have had some celebration for my 50th day.  Percentage wise that means I am 15.1% done with the sober challenge.

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]]> http://www.benjitao.com/2007/08/the-ugly-side-of-ego/feed/ 0 Time Flies When You’re Not Drinking http://www.benjitao.com/2007/08/time-flies-when-youre-not-drinking/ http://www.benjitao.com/2007/08/time-flies-when-youre-not-drinking/#comments Fri, 17 Aug 2007 06:15:52 +0000 ben http://benjitao.com/?p=11 Alrighty…I haven’t updated in a while since I’ve been busy (busy not drinking!). I’m proud to say that I’ve been alcohol free for now a whopping 44 days. I’m about to surpass my previous record of 45 days. This time around seems easier than the first go around. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve changed since the first time–like I got more will power–or it’s just because I’m just over drinking? Maybe both…oh well, got to get back to work…

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