As you guys know I’m a SUPER BIG AWESOME-O BEST-EST Fan of Twitter (see my post I Truly Hate Twitter) and I’ve decided to jump on the Twitter book publishing bandwagon and am working on my own Twitter book titled Twitter IS For Dummies.

Just what kinds of things can you expect to learn in my upcoming super great Twitter book?  I’m glad you asked… Learn to:

• Share when you last made a bowel movement or any other personal bodily function that ordinarily you wouldn’t publicize to the world.  Ex.  “I just pooped my pants!”
• Believe that Twitter is the greatest thing on the planet.  In order to use twitter you must love it unconditionally.  It’s better than everything.  The sooner you realize this the more ready you are to join the Church of Twitter
• Make yourself feel even more important than you really are.  If you have low self-esteem Twitter will make you feel more important by deluding yourself into thinking people actually care when you tweet “OMG I just got my period”
• Twitter in dangerous situations where your safety is less important than sharing your tweet.  Next time you are being mugged, attacked, raped, held at gun point…take a timeout with your assailant and whip out your phone so you can tweet “I’m being raped now and I feel bloated. FML!”

So yeah, please keep a look out for Twitter Is For Dummies.  It truly will be a glorious book and make me filthy rich.  If you are looking for other self help books also check out my book Just Because There’s a Goalie Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Score.

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